Good question, Jennifer! My oldest boy, who got the worst of my bad parenting, is now 18. He seems well adjusted — but to be perfectly honest, he has always viewed me as the disciplinarian and I do think he’s more fearful of my disapproval than his siblings are.

I asked him once if he remembered me spanking him when he was young, and he laughed as if the idea he could forget was absurd. Of course he remembers.

It also shaped his conception that his younger brothers get away with everything and have it so much easier than he does.

I’ve tried hard to make sure he knows I’m not just a disciplinarian, that I have his back, that I’m looking out for him, that parents provide structure and stability through their discipline. But from my view, I think the spanking did impact him psychologically in ways he’s not even conscious of and it factors into his relationship with me (and probably other adults and authority figures). And that makes sense. I’m the same way, after all.